The Pistol Formation: Is Tressel Packing Heat?

[Editor's Note: For those of you who've earnestly logged on the past several days only to find the stale fragments of last week's words, we apologize. We're thrilled to announce that (like the mythical Phoenix) The Rivalry, Esq. will soon be undergoing an ambitious transformation in scope and platform. We'll have more details in the near future. Stay tuned.]

You've got to give it to him, he looks the part.

When the Big Ten Network visited Columbus last week as part of its fall camp circus tour it caught Offensive Line Coordinator Jim Bollman sporting a high-crowned Cowboy hat, rim pulled down over his eyes a la Butch Cassidy. Like any professional outlaw, the gunslinger didn't want to show his hand. Fortunately, the tape doesn't lie.

What it's shown has sparked debate from The Plain Dealer to Around the Oval. The Buckeye offense appears to be flirting with the Pistol Formation, an offspring of the shotgun and singleback offenses. Pioneered by Chris Ault for his Nevada Wolf Pack the Pistol gives ground gunpowder to an attack while maintaining the vertical extendability of the shotgun. It works like this:

The quarterback lines up approximately three yards behind the center (compared to at least five in the shotgun). The shallow set allows the running back to position himself an additional three yards behind the quarterback like in the I-Form. At direct snap the quarterback can do one of three things: 1. Hand the ball off to a running back that's already in motion, 2. Look up to pass, or 3. Execute the "option" in tandem with the running back. (For a graphical illustration, see Men of the Scarlet and Gray).

"Bollman's not planning on firing blanks."

The obvious suitability of the formation for a Buckeye Offense that arguably boasts more turf torque than any other club in the FBS has been well documented. Ideas I can't take credit for include:

1. Freezing the linebacker corps for an extra second after the snap while they wait to get a visual on the back -- until they see Beanie, they can't commit to run or pass (MotSaG)

2. Speaking of No. 28, giving the bruiser more momentum at conception since the back is already running downhill at the time he takes the hand off -- compare that to the traditional shotgun lateral transfer (The Plain Dealer)

3. The general threat of a Pryor/Wells Pistol option -- from a defensive perspective you're damned if you do, damned if you don't

4. Allowing the offensive line to play soft up front, and

5. North/South diversification provides greater opportunities to run and throw the football -- the quarterback has the visibility of the Shotgun with the versatility of the I-Form (Around the Oval).

Even Tressel himself has sung its praises: "Your back now has the ability to go both ways as opposed to being offset one way or the other," he said, before adding, "...28 gets to go downhill, and I think he's a pretty good downhill guy."

Sold? It seems like a no brainer -- which immediately makes this blogger skeptical. So, in the spirit of our taking sides approach, lets turn to the aspects that have received considerably less airtime: the conventional weaknesses of the Pistol.

First, quarterbacks under center can conceal the ball significantly better than at drop. The further away the quarterback is from the line, the easier it is for the defense to see what's going on. By this reasoning a linebacker that follows a QB's arm movements might mitigate the lauded "freezing" effect.

Second, while limiting a defense's field of view is important, running backs need to see too (huge surprise, right?). A lineup directly behind the quarterback keeps prospective lanes concealed until the back is all but committed (See All Experts). Don't buy it? Beanie Wells was candid about his difficulties adjusting. As he reported "It's hard. It takes getting used to."

Whether you like the Pistol or not likely depends on who you've seen run it. Good timing and execution? See LSU. Poor adaptability? See Syracuse.

One thing is certainly clear: Bollman's not planning on firing blanks.

Columbus. Ann Arbor. Can either be Title Town?

It's not often that we at The Rivalry, Esq. choose to patronize the publicity vehicles ESPN.com invents on a yearly basis to stimulate the culture of off-season. I've been politely ignoring their most recent brainchild -- a comprehensive search to identify Title Town, USA -- since the contest was announced on Sports Center in the spring.

But, after it was made clear that the honor would be both vertically and horizontally integrated, extending into all levels and facets of athletics, I was intrigued. A Democratic process that pits the most polished professional sports cities against the country Friday night lights crowd -- capstoned by a traveling interview committee broadcasting from each locale is hard to pass up.

"I'm surprised, slightly humored, and fully anticipating Graham's outrage at the fact that his Wolverines are only given credit for 3 National Titles (the school claims 10), while the Buckeyes get 7 (incidentally the exact number the school claims)."

You've got to hand it to ESPN, they've put their money where their mouth is. The research, and production value of each edition is laudable, making the search (and the ultimate selection) at least as relevant as the MTV Music Video Awards.

So, in honor of Monday's grand finale, here are the broadcasts that originally aired live from two places close to our hearts: Columbus and Ann Arbor.

If the raw esteem of watching these doesn't absolutely rivet you, you might have accidentally clicked on Carson Palmers' 2007 Post-Season Highlight reel.

A few first blush observations:

1. I'm impressed that ESPN diversified the Columbus sports-scape by firmly exploring our link to Jack Nicklaus and Jesse Owens.

2. I'm surprised, slightly humored, and fully anticipating Graham's outrage at the fact that his Wolverines are only given credit for 3 National Titles in football (the school claims 10), while the Buckeyes get 7 (incidentally the exact number Ohio State claims).

So, what do you think? Do either Columbus or Ann Arbor deserve the nod?

Is Carson Palmer Nuts?

Carson Palmer doesn't like Ohio State.

This week the USC alum went on the offensive during a scheduled radio appearance with KLAC Los Angeles.

"I cannot stand the Buckeyes," said the outspoken Heisman winner, "...having to live in Ohio and hear those people talk about their team...drives me absolutely nuts." (USA Today has the full transcript.)

Carson's shrink must have been on vacation in Bermuda. His press relations advisor must have been out of town. How else do you explain the errant pathological tragedy of a hero who shoots himself in the foot?

"You've got to stay faithful to the Gangsta scene. Try instead, 'Dog we're gonna go pop a cap in yo ass.' Then go pee on yourself at a humanitarian protest and order a Vegan dinner for your fake-boobed girlfriend."

Granted, I have a Karmic view of college football. I hold certain truths to be self-evident. Namely you:

1. Never criticize a marquis opponent. [I made this mistake before the 2006 National Championship Game -- heckling Florida fans that 1. You have to win all your games to be the National Champion, and 2. (After Ted Ginn gazelled the opening kickoff return for a touchdown) You've got to guard him. A broken ankle, and a blitzkrieg soon followed.]

2. Don't call the kettle black. (When you're the posterboy for one of the most obnoxious pop dynastys of the modern era, you don't assail the brethern. I defy you Carson to tell me how USC is any different than Ohio State when it comes to public patronage. If anything, the Trojans should be grateful for their revival. After all, The Rivalry, Esq. remembers when it took Jenny McCarthy in a bikini at halftime to fill the Coliseum half full. Do yourself a favor and reflect on the fact that when you committed to the Trojans, they were a 6 win team.)

3. Never, ever use the phrase "butt-whoopin" on the West Coast. (You've got to stay faithful to the Gangsta scene. Try instead, "Dog, we're gonna pop a cap in yo ass." Then go pee on yourself at a humanitarian protest and order a Vegan dinner for your fake-boobed girlfriend.)

4. Finally, don't forget where you're from. (Statistics suggest that at least 80% of the Bengals faithful are Buckeye fans. Talk about falling on your own sword).

The truth is that Carson Palmer (like Chad Johnson) is struggling with his own mortality. After a lackluster five seasons in the NFL, and more Growing Pains than ABC, he's focused on trash-talking rather than legitimately evolving as a leader.

Instead of losing sleep over the demonic youngsters up north, try focusing on the task at hand and making your team relevant.

And in the meantime watch your blind side. Apparently the Buckeyes have a few guys in the NFL that might not agree with your bearded banter.

Fair-Weather Facts: Disrobing the Blue Ribbon Bias

I'm writing from a passenger train in the United Kingdom en route from Oxford to London. I'm across the pond studying comparative legal processes for the summer. If you're a regular reader of The Rivalry, Esq. you haven't noticed, because I haven't mentioned it. I'm 100 percent wired at my desk making it easy to keep up to date with the American football scene.

And the truth is, I like this temporary separation from sport because July has always been and will always be a sort of college football purgatory. With two weeks until the first snaps over the sun-scorched August grass mark the beginning of fall camp in Columbus, it's easy to get complacent.

And so, like ants on a dropped Popsicle, commentators dissect -- turning men into numbers and programs into sums.

It's a process I usually cherish -- a word tonic for the anxious fan's thirst. But lately, there's been a lack of accountability at the top.

"After initially rating the Buckeye Offense and Defense units a C and C+ respectively, Blue Ribbon changed the grades to B+ and B without explanation."

Each year in an attempt to garner publicity for its flagship college product NCAA Football 2009, EA Sports outlines their Top 25 picks for the fall. To maximize the effectiveness of the hype campaign, they spread the countdown out over a full week -- releasing ascending ranks in neat groupings of five. Like all prognostications, the selections are often more normative than empiric.

Still, I tune in every day to find out where my beloved virtual Scarlet will land.

Two weeks ago it was the 25 Toughest Stadiums. The Horseshoe placed third -- which, considering its lack of permanent lights (and therefore, night kickoffs) is respectable. But as I scanned down from the photo-realistic screenshot, I noticed EA had mistakenly listed the official capacity as 89,500. The OSU Department of Athletics reports the Shoe presently seats 102,329 -- a number that often swells to over 107,000 during marquis contests. ESPN has since corrected the feature. So no big deal, right?

That's what I thought -- until I turned to last week's offering, the Top 25. Packaged in the form of streaming video gameplay, the lifelike simulations give the fan a small preview of how the premiere matchups of 2008 will go down. What's particularly clever is the built-in equilibrium -- after we watch No. 4 USC's Joe McKnight take an outside pitch 30 yards for a touchdown against Ohio State -- Brian Robiskie returns the favor for the No. 3 Buckeyes as he sources an open field catch for an easy six against the Trojan secondary.

But for all the effort the press relations folks at EA put into editing their segments, they must have forgotten to conduct basic research on their scripts. As a result the preview for No. 5 Florida opens with the observation that "The Gators look to build off their Gator-Bowl victory last season..."

Strange. I could have sworn Florida was swamped by the Michigan Wolverines in last season's Capital One Bowl. The only thing they might want to build on from that effort is the pressure their defensive line put on Mike Hart.

Still, EA Sports makes video games. Clearly, they can't be expected to deliver at the same level as professional sports writers.

That's why I was absolutely flabbergasted when I read Blue Ribbon College Football Yearbook's Ohio State Team Preview.

After spending 95 paragraphs absolutely gushing over the Buckeyes, their 18 returning starters, super-recruit Terrelle Pryor, and conference favorite status the preview proceeds to give the Scarlet a lower average than Clemson, BYU, and California, none of whom figure to crack the top 10 when the pre-season polls are released. Ohio State will easily place in the top 4.

After initially rating the Buckeye Offense and Defense units a C and C+ respectively, Blue Ribbon changed the grades to B+ and B without explanation.

Okay, call it another mistake -- but this time there's something substantively wrong with the result. Blue Ribbon writes the following about the Buckeye defense:

"The Buckeyes lose one starter and gain one starter, so the net result might be improved play overall."

Considering that last year the "same" defense (now "improved") ranked first in the nation statistically might be grounds to award them the coveted A+ (traditionally reserved for power programs like BYU). But no. As Blue Ribbon sees it, this merits a B, a lower grade than an offense returning the same number of players that ranked in the bottom 50% (62nd out of 119) of FBS teams in 2007.

Intangibles aside (Blue Ribbon actually has a separate mark for those variables) this kind of blatant intermeddling of logic and emotion is usually reserved for the Blogosphere -- not the glossy pages of a commercial almanac. It's irrational, and amateur.

That's why I'm inclined to grin when the preview writer concludes in part by noting, "The talent and depth is amazing."

Amazing? Really? On a B Average squad?

What kind of adjective will Blue Ribbon be forced to use when they write about an A+ effort?

How about capricious?

Rising Fog and The Top 5 Upsets of 2008

"...the fog is rising."

This allegorical imagery was Emily Dickinson's last, spoken to her sister from her deathbed in 1886.  If you watched the 2007 season you're no stranger to famous last words.  Ask No. 18 Louisville, No. 5 Michigan, No. 2 South Florida, No. 2 USC, No. 2 California, No. 1 LSU, No. 1 Ohio State, and No. 1 Missouri about the eggshell steps modern favorites take to the championship.

Is the rise of the Davids, led by Appalachian State a sign that parity in college football has changed forever, or rather, does the famous German philosophy of destiny einman ist keinmal (what happens once may well have never happened at all) control?

The Rivalry, Esq. has laid out the cards.  And on the wide, lazy stretches of open river, we see whitewater ahead.

Here are the Top 5 upsets that will define 2008, in headline form.

5. ONE AND DONE?  MIGHTY MIZZOU GETS JUICED (August 30th, 2008)

Pundits and hysterics alike will reconvene at their favorite campus haunts August 30th, sunburned and hoarse from their own team's opening day matchup for the premiere edition of Saturday Night Football.  Although they'll have drowned a few too many Coors Lights to see it at full resolution, 2008 will open like a Roger Moore Bond film. 

There are a lot of reasons to like Missouri.  They're fresh off a dynamically successful season -- punctuated by a Sports Illustrated cover, a Biblical betrayal by the BCS and a spring game that looked the first half of the UNC/Kansas Final Four.  

They've returned a scary good offense.  Even the defense can't knock them out of contention for a Top 5 entry ranking.  And, I saved the best for last: they've got unfinished business.

Compare Illinois.  They're fresh off a surprising surge -- an away upset of a No. 1, immediately followed by a catapult shot to the rose garden, free iPods, and an a colonoscopy.

They've returned a quick QB, but dropped their engine.  And, I saved the best for last: The Rivalry, Esq. has already gone on record in its June 9th Big Ten Preview Series, saying "The Missouri Tigers want it more."

So why does this Schlabach in the making think the Tigers will tank?  Do me a favor, go back up to the paragraph beginning with "There are a lot of reasons..." and re-read my preview of Mizzou, only this time, replace "Missouri" with "Michigan in 2007."  

See it?

4. WEST VIRGINIA SLAIN BY THEIR OWN SWORD (October 23rd, 2008)

The first meeting ever between Auburn and West Virginia (also notable as the closest an SEC team will ever come to playing north of the Mason-Dixon Line), will be a parade of the old "anything you can do, I can do better" mentality.  

Tommy Tuberville's new spread offense will give the Mountaineers a dose of their own medicine, and for the first time in almost a year, Morgantown residents will have a new coach to complain about.

"Einman ist keinmal (what happens once may well have never happened at all)"

3. OLD BALL COACH TEACHES CLEMSON NEW TRICKS (November 29th, 2008)

After holding off Alabama in a tit-for-tat opener, Tommy Bowden will coast Clemson through the Atlantic -- and onto the National Championship expressway.  But, they'll never make it out of the state.  

A visit from Steve Spurrier will haunt the Tiger faithful forever in a low scoring, defense-dominated shocker on the last Saturday of the regular season.  

2.  TO THE VICTORS BELONG THE SPOILS (November 22nd, 2008)

Impossible, you say?

Remember 1969.

It's the fear of every Buckeye.  Dubbed by the media as "the greatest college football team of all time," the top-ranked Scarlet came into the Rivalry riding the coattails of a 22-game winning streak, and led by the legendary Woody Hayes.  Their adversary was rebuilding, a proud program down on it's luck, fronted by a curious new coach: Schembechler.

Sound familiar?

The result, one of the biggest upsets in college football history and the beginning of the Ten-Year War.  An unusually warm Saturday in late November will be eerily similar to that day in 1969 when the Wolverines are born again.

1. HE'S STILL GOT IT.  FSU FOILS FLORIDA (November 29th, 2008)

On the same day the son suffers his greatest setback, the father will take the train to retirement on the shoulders of the greatest upset of the 2008 college football season.  

The Seminoles will show they're on their way back with a defensive symphony of stops, and a last minute surge that will knock the wind out of the Gators' national championship hopes.  

Silent Energy, Invisible Legends

Copyright Jason Everetts, 2008

Admist the heat, haze, and exhaust The Rivalry, Esq. recommends a lunchtime pilgrimage to the center of the college football universe. Feel the salience -- from the tall decks to the grand architraves -- of Buckeye ghosts and legends from the past.

2008 Preview Series - Big 10

Laced with prestige and procrastination, college's oldest Division 1 conference enters the modern era with the thick-knuckles and high-brow of Fitzgerald's last tycoon. Like a vintage port, the only conference to enjoy Association of American Universities membership status for all its institutions is thick-blooded, sweet, and slow to change.

Esteemed from the glory days, the retro-eleven boasts more national championships than any other Division 1 conference (in case you wondered, when factored using its present membership roll, the BCS collective ranks as follows: Big 10 - 27, SEC - 25, Big 12 - 19, ACC - 16 Pac 10 - 14, Big East 4. Source: College Football Data Warehouse).

That being said only 3 of its 27 championships occurred in the last thirty years. Compare that to the SEC's 8, and you begin to see the shift in parity that's substituted crisp autumn leaves and cool November snaps for sweat, julips, and electric September nights in the swamp.

Although the binding is dusty, the textbook-10 remains college football's classiest co-op. Still, marriage to rosy tradition won't help the smart league seem any less dull. To reinvent itself for the future, the north needs to re-capture its grit, consistency, and urgency from the bottom up.


MINNESOTA GOLDEN GOPHERS
Esquire Rating: 1/5

Is it 2009 yet?

Those who thought it could never rain in the Metrodome got drenched in 2007 when this outdated program was bludgeoned by Bowling Green, and Florida Atlantic -- and had to rely on a short-range botched field goal attempt to get into double overtime in their lone season win against Miami (Ohio). Despite ranking 48th in total offense, the Gophers abomination of a defense placed dead last (119th) nationally -- giving up a 518 yards a game (and 3,472 yards in the air).

Suffice it to say Tim Brewster enjoyed the kind of honeymoon traditionally reserved for people with chronic motion sickness who forget to pack Dramamine on a three-month cruise around Cape Horn.

Still, despite their torturing play, Brewster managed to put together a terrific recruiting class. Incoming speed, and a move back onto campus to a new outdoor stadium set for 2009 give the Gopher-faithful cause for future optimism. Still, this won't be the year -- at least in conference. Away matchups at Ohio State, Illinois, and Wisconsin will make Minnesota long for the piss-stained protection of their home dome.

Must Win: @ BOWLING GREEN (Sept. 6th). Showing up against the Falcons will do two things, 1. Prevent the Big Ten from embarrassing itself out of conference, and 2. Give Minnesota a shot at opening the season 4-0. It's all downhill from there.

Rivalry Comment: How do you fix one of the worst defenses in NCAA history? Hire, Ted Roof, the guy who just got fired for leading Duke to a 1-11 record, and three consecutive winless seasons in the ACC. Then again, 92nd in total defense is better than 119th. (And, in all honesty The Rivalry, Esq. respects what Roof did at Georgia Tech and thinks he'll be a good fit for the Golden Gophers)

Predicted Finish: 4-8 (1-7 conference)


INDIANA HOOSIERS
Esquire Rating: 2/5

No huddle a la mode.

2007 was a pivotal and challenging year for the Hoosiers, bookended by the loss of Terry Hoeppner, and the emergence of a pulse in Bloomington. Hoeppner's final message to his team was simple and powerful: "Play 12" -- a reference to earning a bowl bid for the for the first time since 1993 (and a metaphysical challenge to live life to its fullest margin).

Inspired by Terry, the Hoosiers "defended the Rock," and earned a bid to the Insight Bowl. The Rivalry, Esq. supports the new generation of Indiana football.

In that spirit 2008 is somewhat of an encore. But this time around Bill Lynch will have to to establish spatial presence without record breaking wide receiver James Hardy. With quarterback Kellen Lewis on suspension -- it's not yet clear which IU squad we'll see -- the tight-knit family of 2007, or a new class, with balding offensive line play, week ground efforts, and uncertain leadership.

To siphon momentum and stretch opposing coverages, Lynch has installed a spread format no-huddle offense. Unlike Northwestern, which has undergone a similar transition, there's no guarantee he has the personnel to man the vogue attack. A light schedule, with no Ohio State or Michigan gives the Hoosiers every opportunity to repeat their 2007 success. But first, they need to settle the fundamentals.

Must Win: MICHIGAN STATE (Sept. 27th).

Rivalry Comment: Play 12.

Predicted Finish: 6-6 (2-6 conference)


NORTHWESTERN WILDCATS
Esquire Rating: 2/5

It's all right, it's okay, you can work for us someday.

The Wildcats went into 2007 with high (for Evanston) expectations. And why not -- they were set to paint the 7th easiest schedule in the FBS purple. A fair 6-6 record resulted, but 3 losses in the final 4 games kept the bowl eligible brainiacs home for Christmas.

Still, Northwestern finished 32nd in the country in total offense (2nd in the Big Ten) -- clawing out an impressive 427 average yards a game. That offense returns largely intact, with quarterback C.J. Bacher, and wide receiver duo Eric Peterman and Ross Lane. But, the Wildcats finished 10th in the conference in scoring -- something of a disparity. To finish what they start, incoming offensive coordinator Mick McCall spent the spring installing a no-huddle offense

Increased pace and purpose could put the Wildcats in position to make a bowl run.

Must Win: SYRACUSE (Aug. 30th). Handling this inaugural out of conference matchup gives Northwestern a chance to open the season 4-0.

Rivalry Comment: To encourage home attendance get rid of the lame Wildcat sound effects at Ryan Field.

Predicted Finish: 6-6 (3-5 conference)


IOWA HAWKEYES
Esquire Rating 2/5

When it doubt, go with pink.

The last time Iowa football seemed to mean something was on the eve of their October 2006 primetime matchup with the No. 1 Ohio State Buckeyes. Gameday broadcast live from Iowa City and a golden sea of fans filled Kinnick stadium in hopes of an epic upset.

The Rivalry, Esq. watched from a sports bar in Charleston, WV, en route to take advantage of whitewater release season on the Gauley river. Leading 21-10 at halftime, the Buckeyes opened the second half with one of the greatest improvisational shows of athleticism of all time. Anthony Gonzalez took a pitch left at the Iowa 30-yard line, dug and pivoted with one fist in the grass, and reversed field for a touchdown sprint down the home team sidelines that buried the No. 13 Hawkeyes.

Since that night, Kirk Ferentz's squad hasn't been the same. A 2007 season littered with losses has demasculated an otherwise capable franchise. If 109th in total offense doesn't sound like the Iowa you remember, welcome to the club.

Count on 2008 to bring about better passing variances with the return of wideout Andy Brodell, and tight end Tony Moeaki -- both figures sat out 2007 with injuries. Defensive leadership, from the line back should make for a stingier squad that won't see the likes of Ohio State or Michigan.

Must Win: @ MICHIGAN STATE (Oct. 4th)

Rivalry Comment: It's always worth making special mention of one of the more flamboyant traditions in college football: Kinnick Stadium's pink visiting locker room.

See http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2174828.

The Rivalry, Esq. is entertained by this Freudian commentary on psychosexual development, and proposes that all teams go to ridiculous lengths to humble and harass opponents. For example, Penn State could concentrate Joe Paterno's flatulence and pipe it into the visiting lockers through the central air...

Predicted Finish: 7-5 (4-4 conference)


PENN STATE NITTANY LIONS
Esquire Rating: 3/5

Will Paterno distract or deliver number 59?

A vanilla plain 2007 for the Nittany Lions was salvaged by 6-1 record at home, and a bowl win over Texas A&M. This year, they'll have to take to the highway, with away contests at Wisconsin and Ohio State. Eight returning starters on an offense that averaged 30.3 points a game, and finished 55th nationally last year, will help -- especially the soundness of the line, garnished by the highly anticipated addition of speedy Stephfon Green at running back.

Still, the quarterback position remains up for grabs, and a defense, weakened by the loss of Linebacker U's valedictorian Sean Lee, has a long road ahead of them. The program also continues to be overshadowed by the status of Joe Paterno, and rumors in the blogisphere that Greg Schiano will be tapped to take his place.

Must Win: ILLINOIS (Sept. 27th).

Rivalry Comment: Schiano should be in State College by the new year.

Predicted Finish: 8-4 (4-4 conference)


PURDUE BOILERMAKERS
Esquire Rating: 3/5

Moustache madness continues in West Lafayette.

Joe Tiller's preparations to lead the Boilermakers through conference play a final time, should encourage reflection on the larger implications of the future of the Big 10. The beloved barons (Alverez, Carr) have relinquished their grip, leading to a new generation of young coaches more willing to play with fire and experiment with the fashions of the game. With Paterno primed to retire, and progressive principals already in-place in Ann Arbor, Evanston, Bloomington, Urbana, Minneapolis -- and soon to be West Lafayette, modernization in the Big Ten is inevitable.

So how will Tiller punctuate his final go round? First, by sustaining 07's rapid fire passing attack under quarterback Curtis Painter. Painter will miss his favorite target, Dorien Bryant who led last year's receptions with 936 yards -- but will have capable Greg Orton on the strong side. A load of tight end talent helps mitigate the dropoff in the wake of Dustin Keller.

Still, a young, injury prone line needs to develop, first to protect the pass, and second to promote a sound ground game. A damning schedule with a home matchup again Oregon, and visits to Notre Dame and Ohio State will test Tiller's capstone Boilermakers.

Must Win: OREGON (Sept. 13th).

Rivalry Comment: Is it just us or does Tiller's successor Danny Hope look a little like he might have strangled someone to death in the 1980s? The Rivalry, Esq. will have its friends over at the Bureau do a missing persons search in eastern Kentucky.

Predicted Finish: 7-5 (5-3 conference)


MICHIGAN STATE SPARTANS
Esquire Rating: 3/5

Can the diplomat develop the Spartan attack?

Anyone who watched Ohio State play defense in 2002 believes in Mark Dantonio. Like his mentor Jim Tressel, Dantonio is cool and Ambassador-like. He's not funny (although it's often amusing when he admits it), and the The Rivalry, Esq. suspects he's a briefs man (boxers are a little too loose for his blood).

What he's doing in East Lansing is somewhat more assertive. Dantonio's first-order defense finished 2007 a respectable 31st nationally, allowing only 2,800 yards in the air. With six starters back, including defensive end Trevor Anderson (who followed Dantonio from Cincinnati) expect coverage sets to continue to siphon routes.

The return of quarterback Bryan Hoyer and power back Javon Ringer (who rushed for 1,447 yards in 07), gives the offense identity. Up and coming receiver packages complete the set.

That being said, the Big 10 isn't getting any easier and State faces a suffocating schedule with out of conference matchups against California and Notre Dame, and Ohio State, Michigan, and Wisconsin back-to-back-to-back.

Must Win: @ CALIFORNIA (Aug. 30th).

Rivalry Comment: This is the year to kick your big brother's ass.

Predicted Finish: 8-4 (5-3 conference)


MICHIGAN WOLVERINES
Esquire Rating: 3/5

Riddler and the Riddle Factory

Like D.C. Comics supervillian The Riddler, Rich Rodriquez continues to mask the visage of the new Wolverines -- an elongated national question mark that's larger than any other in the leadup to 2008. Will his trademark option/spread stun the good ol' boy Big Ten, or will his players spoil the plot?

Yes and yes. Surprising backfield speed in the spring game (if you watched ESPN's coverage you didn't see it -- they edited a botched handoff and an interception together and called it a day) from Brandon Minor and Kevin Grady will be lethal in short yardage situations. Pure athletic instinct should damper their lack of sophistication -- but this corn-fed bunch still sticks out like a sore Northern thumb.

Expect Michigan to lose when they shouldn't, and win when it counts. A solid 2009 recruiting class is sure to help the hangover.

Must Win: WISCONSIN (Sept. 27th) their first conference match comes against a sure power. A win here might have the undesirable side effect of returning expectations to Ann Arbor prematurely.

Rivalry Comment: Welcome to the rivalry, Rich. Please sign on the dotted line.

Predicted Finish: 8-4 (5-3 conference)


ILLINOIS FIGHTING ILLINI
Esquire Rating: 4/5

All juice. No pulp.

2007 was a milestone year for Ron Zook and Illinois football. The Juice/Mendenhall tandem instituted ferocity into a previously complacent Illini, pulling a dramatic away upset of then No. 1 Ohio State in Columbus and barreling to the Rose Bowl when the Buckeyes were tapped to play in New Orleans. A 17-49 massacre at the doorstep of USC, exposed the squad's greatest weakness, a defense that allowed the Trojans to put up 633 total yards.

They won't happen again. 2008 welcomes a defensive front that Zook says "...has a chance to be the best I've been around in 15 years." Ends Doug Pilcher and Derek Walker will flank sack leader Will Davis to form a cohesive unit with size and mechanics. Middle linebacker Brit Miller is one the smartest in his position -- and will keep the belt tight.

That leaves the small problem of replacing Rashard Mendenhall -- that little guy with the 1,681 yard rushing season. Spring injuries stunted the growth of the incoming backs -- so its not yet clear whether Illinois will have a go to. If they can't find one, they'll be frighteningly one-dimensional in the face of Big 10 defenses more adjusted to their antics.

Their schedule is nicely spread out, giving them time to stay healthy and plan for the peaks.

Must Win: @ MISSOURI. In an unusual major power matchup this August 30th neutral site game begs to be the best of opening weekend. Both bordering rivals are Esquire 4s, and the winner will be on the way to a big season.

Rivalry Comment: If Ron Zook is looking for good bulletin board material here's a pin up: The Rivalry, Esq. thinks the Missouri Tigers want it more.

Predicted Finish: 9-3 (6-2 conference)


WISCONSIN BADGERS
Esquire Rating: 4/5

Will the Badgers become the first Adidas-sponsored team to actually win?

Wisconsin is close to becoming the new Clemson when it comes to underachieving. The 2007 squad was much acclaimed, and started 5-0 before dropping to Illinois and getting pounded by an unranked Penn State. Injuries limited bruising back P.J. Hill to an underwhelming 1,212 yard season.

2008 will see 17 starters back, including Hill, Tight End Travis Beckum, and Linebacker Jonathan Casillas. Quarterback Tyler Donovan is missing -- his consistency will need to be re-established to diversify the Badger offense and keep defenses spread out.

While Bret Bielema appears to be set on defense with 9 returning, injuries have hampered growth in Madison. With 26 players missing some portion of spring ball due to injuries, a strong showing at camp is essential to get back to game speed. A wimpy out of conference schedule should give the Badgers something to chew on.

Must Win: OHIO STATE (Oct. 4th). The Buckeyes have historically struggled at Camp Randall. This is Bielema's chance to pick up his predecessor's momentum.

Rivalry Comment: The Rivalry, Esq. will be in Madison for the festivities and reminds Wisconsin fans not to act like douches when your team happens to score a field goal in the first quarter. It's going to be a long day.

Predicted Finish: 11-1 (7-1 conference)


OHIO STATE BUCKEYES
Esquire Rating: 5/5

The Yankees of college football are loathed and loaded.

Ohio State, of late, has cornered the market on seconds. Ask anyone south of the Mason-Dixon, and they'll tell you that slow-hi-o can't play with speed. They'll point to consecutive national championship losses and an 0-9 record against the SEC as affirmative proof.

But no one mentions how the Buckeyes entered 2007 with four returning starters, ranked 11th in the country, and expected to muster only a modest showing in a middle-tier bowl. Led by young talent and helped by historic late-season collapses, the Buckeyes fell backwards into the championship, where they lost to the preseason No. 1.

2008 couldn't be any different. 20 returning starters, including unofficial Heisman frontrunner Chris "Beanie" Wells who rushed for 1,609 yards last year on an injured ankle will lead a poisonous squad. (Ask former LSU safety Craig Steltz about Beanie's speed -- he saw a little when he failed to close in the open field on a 65 yard touchdown break).

A defense that loses first-round draft pick Vernon Gholston, takes comfort in the fact they return Lawrence Wilson -- the breakout defensive end who suffered a broken leg in last season's opener. Nine other defenders return to a squad that ranked first in the country statistically last year including James Laurinaitis, and Malcolm Jenkins.

Still, Quarterback Todd Boeckman displayed poor judgment late in the 2007 season -- coverage misreads led to multiple turnovers in losses to Illinois and LSU. Boeckman will have to mature to lead the Scarlet offense in 2008, a unit that ranked 62nd nationally in 07.

Must Win: @ USC (Sept. 13th). While it won't affect their bid to be the first team in the history of the Big Ten to win three consecutive outright championships, this early trip to La-la land is the one of the most anticipated games of 2008. With its national reputation on the line the Buckeyes need a Hollywood ending in the first meeting between the elites in 24 years.

Rivalry Comment: An interesting twist on the pro-form offense might develop with the selective incorporation of Scouts No. 1 overall recruit Terrelle Pryor. If the dual-threater from Jeannette, PA can shake up short yardage situations, the Leak/Tebow combo might have a new home in Columbus.

Predicted Finish: 12-0 (8-0 conference)

2008 Pre-Season Rankings

There is no such thing as a pre-season ranking.

There are predictions, ambitions, and equivocations, but no legitimate standings. That's why I find myself irritated every time ESPN Columnist Mark Schlabach, sunburnt, unshaven and recovering from a 6 day, 7 night stint at Disney World in Orlando for his 4th grade daughter's spring break, takes it upon himself to assemble a list. (Ed. I don't really know if Mark Schlabach just got back from Orlando or if he even has a daughter, but it seems like the kind of thing an off-season college football columnist would have going on).

See, http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/columns/story?columnist=schlabach_mark&id=3388100

In case you didn't click on the link Ohio State is No. 1. Which means, well...nothing. Or does it?

"Rising" to the occasion of inpermanence is something the Buckeyes do better than any team in the country. Since 2005 Ohio State has been ranked No. 1 more weeks than anyone in the FBS. In fact, they've been ranked at the top more times than the next closest four teams combined. (Source: CollegeFootballPoll.com, BCS Standings).

"There is no such thing as a pre-season ranking."

But football is a game of ends, not means -- a tension that's had a strange impact on the national consciousness.

LSU enjoyed the spoils of their 2007-08 National Championship for all of 24 hours before the new cradle of rankings boiled them back to the Bayou. In their place, Almighty Georgia gained a handsome consolation for being passed over in New Orleans: the confidence of the pundits for 2008-09.

But status quo doesn't sell magazines. It doesn't tune-in viewers -- especially in the off-season. So, citing the resolution of National Signing Day and spring workouts, Schlabach stirred the pot again.  "...With an extraordinary number of juniors and seniors returning" he writes, "Ohio State seems poised to become the first team in the 112-year history of the Big Ten to win three straight outright league titles."   

But is that really anything we didn't know back on January 9th, when Schlabach's first "Top 25" hit the press?  (Okay, one James Laurinaitis not withstanding.)  To showcase spring momentum reference the landing of top-ranked dual-threatster Terelle Pryor, the "Block O" recruits, the potential for a double-headed attack, low injuries, big-game familiarity, and the general climate of optimism in Columbus.  

Don't dock the SEC favorites, then quip "Georgia might be more explosive and talented than Ohio State, but the Bulldog's schedule is much tougher."  Schedule?  That's an immutable characteristic; something a team can't change.  The last time I checked, a pre-season Top 25 wasn't a descriptive predictor of how things would shake out, rather, it's purely normative: who should walk into September with everything to lose.

If you think Georgia is more talented, put Georgia at the top.  Period.

Anything else is sensationalist; chumming the saltwater for SEC sharks thirsty for blood.  

Let's hope Buckeye Nation gets the memo...

As Graham shows us, iconoclasm can be redeeming. Somehow he's managed to twist and pervert the sanctity of our universal stadium language, the heroic voice of Buckeye Nation, into some freak relic of the unimaginative, and, dare I say, uneducated masses. Yes Ohio fans, it's true, the Michigander doesn't like our four stadium corners approach to recognition. (Although, I will admit, the "I" section -- usually the bunch in the closed end of the Horseshoe is always a little slow to the punch. What's the deal?)

"Pry-or" - "Bor-en"

So, I suggest we get rid of the "O-H-I-O," and any variation thereof, and head in a new direction. From now on whenever a fellow Buckeye is in the vicinity and you feel the need to acknowledge your carnal spirit in a unintelligent fashion, say "Pry-or." To which they will naturally respond, "Bor-en."

Not bad, huh? And I'm confident our friends from up north will approve.

Problem solved.

Wait Wait Wait...How does one spell Ohio again?

O-H-I-O!

As a Michigan football fan, I am disgusted and underwhelmed whenever I see Buckeye fans chant O-H-I-O and accompany this intellectually challenging chant with arm motions. This repetitive chant is not original or witty (i.e. when an inspired crowd cleverly mocks an opposing player). The chant is not deep and meaningful, like an English soccer crowd singing a one hundred year old drinking song. The O-H-I-O chant leads me to believe that many Ohio State fans are not very educated and truly rejoice when they realize they can spell the name of their beloved state.

"The O-H-I-O chant leads me to believe that many Ohio State fans are not very educated and truly rejoice when they realize they can spell the name of their beloved state."

However...

As a college football fan, I think the O-H-I-O chant is the kind of ritual that is as important as football game and the players themselves. The chant shows pride and tradition (however simple that tradition is). The chant breeds familiarity: if you're an OSU fan screaming O-H-I-O in the Horseshoe, you're surrounded by 100,000 of your closest friends.

It is easy to be cynical about college football. College football is a behemoth system built on the hard work of unpaid young men, work that borders on exploitation. Furthermore, the BCS system has made college football even more of a business than it ever has been. For these very reasons, the simplicity and tradition of the O-H-I-O chant makes it a vital part of college football. So next time you see fans with O-H-I-O on their lips and there arms raised, do not instinctively throw tomatoes or obscenities their way. Just appreciate the spirit and purity of thousands of people being of the same mind and sharing the same passion, college football.